01 Power Cut//What does a moth do in the dark? (31/10/2024)
you're not a failureshe'd intervene, every single time I slipped up and called myself one. But now the light has gone out and it's dark again.
She didn't pass away or any thing…it just turns out she hid a lot of darkness within. We don't talk as much anymore and I can only hope she is working her way through it…if only I could get over myself I could've done for her what she, briefly, did for me. But I'm a failure even at being there for those who were there for me.
02 What's that? In the distance... (01/11/2024)
I feel like im standing on the shore. I can see something rising in the distance. I can tell it'll be trouble, something to be frightened of, despite its true form enveloped by a dense fog. I can tell it sees me, whether it is aware of me, I'm not so sure, but it looking in my direction. I can feel my future slip away. I feel the ground beneath me begin to crack. The people who I should be close to are now drifting away, or am I pushing them away? I'm not so sure of this either. Dying seems easier than living.
03 Does anyone else...//exhaustion (04/11/2024)
Does anyone else consume content till exhaustion so that they don't have to lie there in the dark, waiting for sleep, while they get assaulted by their own thoughts? I decided to go to sleep early today but I just laid there for 3 hours. By the end, I couldn't find the right position to sleep in. I listen to songs at a very low volume as I go to sleep but today none of the songs felt right and I was hounded by the thought that I'm wasting everything...I'm wasting the oppurtinity I have, the life that I have. For some reason, I kept thinking I don't deserve any of this. I feel so fucking lost. I mean, I know people are supposed to feel lost in their early 20s but it can't be this bad, right? Not to mention, I live with my parents currently but they won't be around for much longer since they'll be leaving in a little bit. The closer I get to that date the more I've realized I'm an emotional person. I've had a string of bad days recently but each time I came home to my parents I felt "things were gonna be just fine"...but now that they won't be around, idk how I'm gonna cope with it. I saw that one scene in Mr. Robot in season 1 episode 1, I believe, where Eliot breaks down crying beceause he couldn't hold in his lonliness anymore. I don't know why but that scene stuck with me even though I was relatively happy back then. Now that I think about it, the reason it stuck with me was probably because I saw a distant version of myself in him...but now I feel like I'm in a car, hurtling towards it, its not so distant anymore.